One Month

Well, I'm a sentimental person and being in Yosemite for a month seems like a milestone worthy of some kind of update.

I'm climbing, these days, but I'm always comparing myself to people that are climbing harder and better than myself, and I can never accept what I'm doing as an adequate effort. I never feel like I belong with those that are self-professed climbers.

There is a feeling I have that I don't really try as hard as I know I could, and I wonder how much better I'd be if I could find a way to invest myself into climbing 100%.

I have not been on a wide variety of routes, although I've started free-soloing which has opened up the possibility of ticking a lot of routes off in short order.

I have also started to boulder a little bit more, although it's not how I've done it before.

More or less, I am able to incorporate climbing outside into my schedule like you might run an errand. A quick bike ride and I'm at some classic wall or boulder, I climb for a little while, and then go about my day.

I haven't made mention of it until now, but I've reapplied for a job here in the park, and I'm waiting to see how that pans out. I have plans for the future and I will discuss them later.

Right now, I've passed the HR interview and I would have one more manager level interview before being hired. The last time I applied I had made it to the same stage but was not hired.

I'm spending more money than I should or can afford, but I tell myself it's a coping mechanism for when I get discouraged. That it is, but it's a cop-out to let myself keep doing it, so I'm going to try to rein myself back in before it's too late.

I feel lonely sometimes, and I find myself more and more eyeing the ladies around the park, making pretend romances up in my head, but I have to remind myself of what I'm working toward and that a warm body is nice, but not just any will give me the companionship I seek.

So, while I suppose some people would say I'm living the dream, in my own words I would say I'm going to “soldier on”. Not exactly what you would expect someone truly living the dream to say.

I wonder sometimes how I can make people laugh but it comes harder for me to make light of my own situation in a way that makes me laugh. I suppose a sense of humor is just a matter of developing a certain intelligence that is actually apart from its effect.

Life as I live it is still the best that I've experienced. I mean, how can I complain about not working, being outside whenever and as often as I want, eating well and being physically fit? It really is something I'm glad I have brought to myself, and it's nice to know that it's always there for the taking, if I am only willing to reach for it.