Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'm a Mad Scientist—My Life is My Experiment

Changing Tomorrow

I have been immersed in a new life for the past two weeks. Los Angeles is still in my heart but I am no longer in Los Angeles. I will return shortly.

Here's what's happened: I was adrift in the cement expanse of L.A., looking for work, passing time, staying happy. But, I was growing apprehensive of my future—my real, concrete future—and how I was going to manage my life. I decided then, and indeed had felt—ever since I quit the job in Yosemite—that I needed to determine how I would make my way in our world.

Too long I have waited for my break. Too long I have dreamt of a future that I did nothing to actualize. I have taken the next steps to self-actualize.

Renewal

It may seem to you that I am always restarting from the beginning, but I think what truly happens in my psyche is that I become refreshed, reinvigorated, and I experience a renewal of motivation. It is encouraging to me that with these renewals I am always coming back to the same solution, the same resolution.

Like a scientific experiment, if I always arrive with the same results, aligning with my hypothesis, then I am very convinced that my hypothesis is correct and I can begin using it as the basis for further thought and experimentation.

It's not lost on me that I'm continually dissatisfied with some aspect of my life, that I try to change it, and that I become aware that I am dissatisfied with another aspect of my life.

However, through the process of experimenting with possible solutions I continually:
  • Meet new, exciting, dynamic people
  • See new, previously unimaginable beauty
  • Experience new situations that force me to grow

I won't stop|can't stop doing this. I can do it better. I will.

A static life does not appeal to me. That's not good, and neither is it bad. It just is. I want dynamic people in my life that promote new discoveries and cause me to continually respond to them in a meaningful way. No rote interactions here, please.

I can't imagine a happy life where I don't stretch my mind's idea of the possibility of natural beauty. I want to and have pursued places that stir my heart, and I must continue to do so lest I become stagnant and my heart should sleep.

Within the context of new places and dynamic people I find the exciting and completely unavoidable probability of having to do, go through or be in an uncomfortable situation. When you are uncomfortable and don't know what to do, those are the times where your resourcefulness and creativity will shine through. Those are the times for you to demonstrate what you are made of, how you operate.

Why Change?

Why not just settle for something close? I can't say I'm a perfectionist, so it's not that I'm incapable of settling. Actually, I think I've settled far too often when I really ought to have started fresh and tried again.

Until I am satisfied or until I am too weary to carry on, I believe I must strive for what I want. To do less is to create and then to carry regret until the end of my days.

When I was in the Army (it was actually the Army National Guard), I had an opportunity to go to Airborne school (parachuting out of airplanes). I decided not to attend because I was homesick, even though Airborne School was one of my long-term goals. I have regretted making a short sighted decision on a long-term goal ever since. But I have learned from that experience. I can never go back and change that decision, or earn the badge that I would have been proud to bear for the rest of my life. I can use it as an experience to remind me of the importance saying “yes” to opportunities that lead to the achievement of my long-term goals.

I am in such a fluid place in my life that opportunity is seemingly everywhere. While it may not be true, it feels like I can do nearly anything, since at the moment I am doing almost nothing.

I can no longer do nothing, and I cannot settle for something I regret. I feel I must do something and it must be the right thing. It must be what I want. I am changing tomorrow to be what I want today.

PhoenixLos AngelesThe World

Like I said, I'm in L.A. no longer. In fact, I'm back in Phoenix.

Through my search for work (particularly SEO work), I came upon a web-based company that offered employment. I then remembered that one of my Phoenix friends had mentioned doing the same kind of work, so I called him to get the low-down and find out if I might like doing it.

Turns out he wants to move to L.A. to pursue a new career but he has a website development company. I made the natural offer to jump on a bus to Phoenix, help him pack his house, and in return, have him teach me what he knows (hopefully so he'll employ me). It's working out really well for both of us so far.

In the near future he and I will both of us move to L.A. and I hope to establish there for a time, and then move forward.

Of course, as I have come back to Phoenix because of connection, I expect I will return to L.A. and any other place where I leave a little bit of my heart. The world awaits me but I can't wait to see it. Today I cannot travel the world, but I am changing tomorrow.