The
highest priority I have in looking back at my last two months out
here ('here' being this expansive world I now live in, without
boundaries or schedules) is actually just to make some lists.
Let
me show you what I mean;
In
two months I have:
Eaten
12 pounds of creamy peanut butter.
Traveled
1,370 miles (without owning a car).
Consumed
over 2 liters of hot sauce.
Slept
in the open under an expansive—sometimes astonishing—night sky 57
times.
“My
season” is more than just a description of time. It's more than the
description of a process. My season is a reference to a period of
time in my life where I am truly living, truly able to respond to my
self. A time of reflection and a time of preparation. Your season is
a time of self-actualization. It's a time to respond to the
influences of our lives and to make changes to improve or mitigate
our circumstances, no matter what they may be.
On
the road, I've experienced frustrations and every day has not been
idyllic [bliss]. Regardless, I am not dwelling on the minutiae of
every day. Instead, I'm trying to see the bigger picture.
These
are times of self-improvement. Not the false, manufactured kind of
improvement that swaps a new part for an old one. This is the kind of
improvement that maintains the integrity and performance of the
original design, but makes it better.
Of
course, while my time may be finished at Indian Creek, my season is
ongoing.
I've
had plenty of time to reflect on how long I could prolong this
lifestyle, and currently, time (or more accurately, money) is running
short. Be that as it may, I've come to realize that one of the
primary aspects of living the way I am, is to maintain a certain
attitude. A certain mindset. A mindset is a habit, and I want to make
a habit out of my current mindset. What I've accomplished in my two
months so far is to familiarize my thought process with a flexibility
and acceptance of circumstances that allows me to be more
consistently happy and to overcome feelings of depression or sadness
more quickly than before now.
But
for all of this vagueness and hyperbole, what does this mean to you?
It
should mean that I am happier. And if you enjoy my true (happy)
personality, then you will see more of it, and you, therefore, will
have greater enjoyment.
That's
it.
As
with most things personally related, my growth and experience will
only have tangential effects on you.
I
think I write about these subjects because I've heard so many “you're
living the dream” comments. I don't want to correct anyone: I
certainly am living my
dream. But more importantly, I want to point out that the dream
doesn't mean that life is easy and everything goes your way. “The
Dream” is just a mindset coupled with the power to actualize
favorable circumstances. It's agency in your life.
I
took agency by force, without restraint (perhaps a little to my own
detriment). That's how I do.
I
quit my job while I was living paycheck to paycheck and I had no
bailout plan, $23,000 deep in consumer debt.
I
sold my car knowing I needed to go somewhere, but not knowing how I
was going to get there.
I
sold or threw away anything that seemed non-essential to a lifestyle
I wanted to lead. And that's kind of the point: I shaped my
circumstances so that the obvious direction for me to take was the
way that I have now begun to travel. The circumstances were most
conducive for me to hit the road because I made them that way.
I
hope that inspires you.
Post
Script List:
In
two months I have:
Taken
1,704 photographs.
Laundered
my clothes 0 times.
Spent
$364 ($40 for a shoe resole, $30 gas contribution, $17 to settle a
credit card dispute, $17 for a cell phone bill, $260 on food or
miscellaneous items).
Read
Starship Troopers, The Sun Also Rises, The Great Gatsby, Dune,
Interpreter of Maladies, The Quiet American, and Jitterbug Perfume
(in that order).
PSS
I
realize I have not spoken of climbing in the least, and indeed I did
intend to, but maybe that's not as important to me right now.
I
do hope that my climbing libido will strengthen, and I think it will
as I come into balance, as I see my desire and passion as a function
of my overall health and happiness and this is as true for climbing
as anything else. Climbing is certainly something I am involved in,
something that possesses imminent importance in my decision making
process when I make plans—something I center my life around, but as
the axis of my life, it's doing what I need it to do for me without
me crushing rock every day. Instead, it's more important to me that I
have the freedom to climb whenever I want to, rather than wanting to
climb every day.
You are quite good at writing too! Whatever you end up doing, in whatever place you find your self, in the moment, in reflection, and in preflection, hang on to this habit of writing. Even if you don't share your writing, the act of writing becomes you!
ReplyDeleteagreed. loving reading these
ReplyDelete