Changing Tomorrow
I have been immersed in a new life for the past two weeks. Los Angeles is still in my heart but I am no longer in Los Angeles. I will return shortly.
Here's what's happened: I was adrift in
the cement expanse of L.A., looking for work, passing time, staying
happy. But, I was growing apprehensive of my future—my real,
concrete future—and how I was going to manage my life. I decided then, and indeed had
felt—ever since I quit the job in Yosemite—that I needed to
determine how I would make my way in our world.
Too long I have waited for my break.
Too long I have dreamt of a future that I did nothing to actualize. I
have taken the next steps to self-actualize.
Renewal
It may seem to you that I am always
restarting from the beginning, but I think what truly happens in my
psyche is that I become refreshed, reinvigorated, and I experience a
renewal of motivation. It is encouraging to me that with these
renewals I am always coming back to the same solution, the same
resolution.
Like a scientific experiment, if I
always arrive with the same results, aligning with my hypothesis,
then I am very convinced that my hypothesis is correct and I can
begin using it as the basis for further thought and experimentation.
It's not lost on me that I'm
continually dissatisfied with some aspect of my life, that I try to
change it, and that I become aware that I am dissatisfied with
another aspect of my life.
However, through the process of
experimenting with possible solutions I continually:
- Meet new, exciting, dynamic people
- See new, previously unimaginable beauty
- Experience new situations that force me to grow
I won't stop|can't stop doing this. I
can do it better. I will.
A static life does not appeal to me.
That's not good, and neither is it bad. It just is. I want dynamic
people in my life that promote new discoveries and cause me to
continually respond to them in a meaningful way. No rote interactions
here, please.
I can't imagine a happy life where I
don't stretch my mind's idea of the possibility of natural beauty. I
want to and have pursued places that stir my heart, and I must
continue to do so lest I become stagnant and my heart should sleep.
Within the context of new places and
dynamic people I find the exciting and completely unavoidable
probability of having to do, go through or be in an uncomfortable
situation. When you are uncomfortable and don't know what to do,
those are the times where your resourcefulness and creativity will
shine through. Those are the times for you to demonstrate what you
are made of, how you operate.
Why Change?
Why not just settle for something
close? I can't say I'm a perfectionist, so it's not that I'm
incapable of settling. Actually, I think I've settled far too often
when I really ought to have started fresh and tried again.
Until I am satisfied or until I am too
weary to carry on, I believe I must strive for what I want. To do
less is to create and then to carry regret until the end of my days.
When I was in the Army (it was actually
the Army National Guard), I had an opportunity to go to Airborne
school (parachuting out of airplanes). I decided not to attend
because I was homesick, even though Airborne School was one of my
long-term goals. I have regretted making a short sighted decision on
a long-term goal ever since. But I have learned from that experience.
I can never go back and change that decision, or earn the badge that
I would have been proud to bear for the rest of my life. I can use it
as an experience to remind me of the importance saying “yes” to
opportunities that lead to the achievement of my long-term goals.
I am in such a fluid place in my life
that opportunity is seemingly everywhere. While it may not be true,
it feels like I can do nearly anything, since at the moment I am
doing almost nothing.
I can no longer do nothing, and I
cannot settle for something I regret. I feel I must do something and
it must be the right thing. It must be what I want. I am changing
tomorrow to be what I want today.
Phoenix→Los
Angeles→The World
Like I said, I'm in L.A. no longer. In
fact, I'm back in Phoenix.
Through my search for work
(particularly SEO work), I came upon a web-based company that offered
employment. I then remembered that one of my Phoenix friends had
mentioned doing the same kind of work, so I called him to get the
low-down and find out if I might like doing it.
Turns out he wants to move to L.A. to
pursue a new career but he has a website development company. I made
the natural offer to jump on a bus to Phoenix, help him pack his
house, and in return, have him teach me what he knows (hopefully so
he'll employ me). It's working out really well for both of us so far.
In the near future he and I will both
of us move to L.A. and I hope to establish there for a time, and then
move forward.
Of course, as I have come back to Phoenix because of connection, I expect I will return to L.A. and any other place where I leave a little bit of my heart. The world awaits me but I can't wait to see it. Today I cannot travel the world, but I am changing tomorrow.
